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That day that I remember all so well comes with a void. A blank space, as if somehow what happened next was erased from my memory. Dr. Gray’s words, “You have Scoliosis,” still lingers.  The tone of his voice, the details of his pitch, it’s all still there. Like a scar that penetrated my mind, it was a statement that from that point on, identified me, and consumed me. I have Scoliosis. And though, what happened the remainder of that particular day has been lost in my memory. I remember feeling as if it wasn’t truly happening to me, as if some how I was someone else, just an observer watching myself. It made it so I was more impenetrable. I did not feel it, because it was not really me.

My Curvy Spine

-My Curvy Spine

At the time my mom wasn’t working a full-time job, which meant we didn’t have health insurance. If the car accident hadn’t happened, my Chiropractic treatment would not have fully been an option. But Dr. Gray took full advantage of the car insurance policy, and I was given a full treatment plan. For six months, which was covered under the insurance, I saw him three times a week.  At that age, visiting Dr. Gray’s office was the equivalent of visiting a spa. I was given the deluxe treatment, a full chiropractic adjustment, which consisted of cracking my spine and neck. Followed by an hour back massage, given by his daughter Tracy, who also had Scoliosis. I would love to talk to her. She was full of stories about her dogs, family, and growing up with Scoliosis, and she would instill confidence in me. She claimed that her father, Dr. Gray, helped her and he could do the same for me. At that point, I knew of no other option, I didn’t think to question any other possibility. I had never heard of an Orthopedic, and much less the option for surgery, so all I was left with was to believe in Dr. Gray, because he was my option, and if I lost hope in him I would loose the hope within myself.

But, Dr. Gray was a very encouraging Doctor. He was convinced that he could not only alleviate my pain, but also prevent my curvature from progressing, and even make it better. The confidence he had in his ability to provide the treatment that I needed was very reassuring, and I believed in him. I too was convinced that his adjustments, would somehow cause my spine to realign itself and be straight once again, if it ever was straight.  My imagination of the possibilities gave way to an assortment of expectations that were never fulfilled.

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