It was 5:00am that January morning, when my sister, my mama and I drove to the hospital. I was thirteen years old, wearing my PJ, and carrying my favorite teddy bear in the world. It wasn’t really a teddy bear it was more like a stuffed dog from Chuck E. Cheese’s that my brother had won for me when I was 4 years. It was my favorite, and the one I slept with for many years. It came with me that morning to comfort me through my surgery, and throughout the recovery.
The ride to the hospital had an eerie feeling, as if no one really knew what to say. My mother’s sadness and her fear was felt throughout the entire car, as my sister drove careful to the hospital. I didn’t say much. I just starred aimlessly at the clock, and observed how time just stood still. As if the minutes never passed, the seconds didn’t exist, and I was no longer myself. I faced the reality outside of my existence, protecting myself from the fear, the anxiety and acceptance. Silence was all that was heard that 20-minute drive to the hospital.
Some times words don’t come out even if you really want them to, because sometimes, there is nothing really you can say. The silence carries with it words of emotions that transcends through space, like electricity carrying voltage. The silence that morning was filled with more emotions than I could handle. The silence lasted right up until we made to entrance, when finally it was broken by the sound of Sweetbox, “Everything is gonna be alright,” and soon after my sister said, “this one is for you.”
It was true, everything was going to be all right, and I couldn’t think about it too much. Because heading into surgery, is a lot like sky diving, you can’t think about it too much, because before you know it your no longer in the plane, and your no longer in control, your life is in the hands of the Doctor.
We walked to the hospital, and soon after I was called back. My mama and sister went back with me. I was given a hospital gown, and once I put it on the nurse came into the room. She gave an IV and soon after she gave me a shot, a “Happy Times Shot.” I was feeling great, and I was ready to head into the surgery room. I gave my mama and my sister a hug and I was taken away. Right before surgery, the nurse asked my, “whose your favorite Disney character?” and well, I am not sure if I had the chance to respond. The next thing I remember was trying to sit up and several hands pushing me down, and then, I was out again.